I've been considering what to write next and have been thinking I might have peaked too early. I mean, where do you go after Easter? Ironically enough, this was a question I had in my head after I entered the church. RCIA classes last for about a month after Easter is over, but then what? Its the same question that plagues college graduates. When you're in classes, you know what you are doing. You pay attention (sometimes), you get good grades (hopefully), and you work towards a goal. Then the time comes to enter the real world and you have all sorts of directions to go in, but you have to choose. How do you choose? What if you choose poorly? Its like being a mouse in a maze with walls to guide you and now there are no walls. These are my thoughts, slightly magnified, but how I felt none the less. Obviously I would follow Christ, there's never been any question about that,... but now in such new ways.

As any Catholic convert would tell you I'm sure, the body and blood affects you in ways you never thought were possible. I've always considered the Lord's supper to be the real deal. Growing up in the church of Christ, I would concentrate on those little crackers as if Christ himself had broken them up and passed the plate to me. I would sip the grape juice cup with a visual in my mind of standing at the base of the cross, lifting my mouth, and having that precious blood drip onto my tongue. (sorry if that's a bit gruesome for you but that's what I saw). I was surprised to learn that it is supposed to be a symbol and not the real thing. I honestly didn't know this until I was in the process of becoming catholic. Now that I've had a taste of holiness, I can never go back. I'm spoiled and I would starve.

This is something I've tried to explain to my family, not to convince them of how wrong they are or how right I am, but to help them understand how addicted I am to the Eucharist! I can't live without it. If you are a convert or a cradle catholic and have a story about how addicted you are to this awesome sacrament,.. I'd love to hear about it. I make silly little comments to Kody and my friends all the time about how I need my Jesus fix or how I gotta go to mass and get some Jesus food,.. but when it comes down to the reality of it: I need my sustenance. I need my oxygen. I need the one thing I can't live without: HIM

Easter Vigil

The most amazing night of the church calendar isn't Christmas; it's Easter Vigil. It happens the evening before Easter and is the night when new catholics enter the church. This was the night I had been looking forward to for so long.
Even though my family does not agree with my decision to become catholic, my mom and step-dad came to the ceremony which meant the world to me. My sponsor, Mary Ann, was not feeling very well that night and couldn't make it which was very sad, but Doris, a very wonderful lady was happy to substitute for her.
The mass is very long and involves these special events: lighting of the paschal candle, blessing of the water, baptisms of new catholics, confirmation, renewal of baptismal vows. I hope I'm not leaving anything out, but since we just had Easter its pretty fresh in my mind. The paschal candle that is lit that night represents Christ and will be used through out the year in the church. It is used on special occasions such as baptisms and funerals. The ceremony of lighting the candle happens outside where the priest blesses the fire and decorates the candle before lighting it. The decorations include a cross in the middle, the present year: to signify that Christ is present with us, the Greek letters: Alpha and Omega, and five grains of incense to represent the five wounds of Christ. The candle is led into a dark church to signify the light of Christ coming to light the darkness. Everyone holds a taper and one by one each person's candle is lit from the "Jesus candle" (made that one up). The symbolism is amazing.
Several (and I mean several) readings from Genesis into the New Testament are read outlining God's plan of salvation. The water at the baptismal font is then blessed and the new Christians are baptized. Following the baptisms, the candidates (new catholics that had already been baptized, like me) are confirmed into the church. This entire mass is beautiful and powerful, but I was focused on one part,.. my first communion.
A few weeks before we had a ceremony called the rite of sending where the bishop came and spoke to our class. During the ceremony, he read our names where we had signed them in the book of the elect. When he spoke to us, he spoke about the first time we go to receive Communion. About how we should have such a recognizable hunger for Christ which can only be quenched by the Eucharist. A hunger which everyone at the mass will notice in our eyes. This stuck with me because every mass feels that way: waiting patiently to get to the best part.
I've been working on this post for three days, trying to do this Holy night justice, but I don't think it is possible. A couple of years ago, I had the honor of watching my husband Kody become baptized and confirmed into the church and last year, we baptized our first child. Every Easter is like an anniversary for a converted catholic and an experience not to be missed. This year, I had the privilege of sharing the night with my friend Heather who was raised Mormon. I was a little surprised when she asked to go and she peppered me with questions! I loved it!!! Nothing like a curious first-timer to let you know if you know your stuff!
I hope this post makes you curious and inspires you to attend an Easter vigil sometime. No matter what your faith is, its a beautiful mass and an experience like no other!

Walking the Path

I have been thinking a lot for that past three days about what the next chapter in this story should be. Should I go into more detail about RCIA classes? Should I jump to Easter Vigil? How do I incorporate the things that are happening in my catholic walk today? I've decided that the Vigil deserves it's own post so we will hold off on that until tomorrow.

It has been such a long time since I went through RCIA that I confess I don't remember too many of the details (even though I've since been through it with Kody as his sponsor, the two parrishes did things very differently). The schedule we followed was to meet every Wednesday night around seven for the first three months and then twice a week starting in November. When you start meeting twice a week, you have to attend the Sunday mass at eight and have class after that. Its a very intense process and can really wear you out! When you're in that second half, part of your class is looking at the readings for the upcomming mass and discussing them. I really liked this part because I was not just listening to the readings, but studying them. One of the many great things about the Bible is how you can read a passage you've read a thousand times and, if you're paying attention, find something you never noticed before. This happened to me over and over again.

There was also AMAZING things happening in my life at this time. Prayers being answered much like it was with Mary Ann, this happend all the time and it was GREAT! Dreams that I had where I could hug Christ, feel his chest move as he breathed, and smell his hair. Some things that happened are sacred to me and I don't want to share them on here, but this was such an exciting time and so miraculous in my life. Thinking about it makes me sad that my life doesn't feel that way lately and makes me want to find a way to get it back.

During my classes, I was also a part of a women's retreat team which was incredible! There were dark areas in my life that this amazing group of women helped me to shed light on and prepared me for the time when I would receive the eucharist. I was starving for it. Starving with this incredible hunger that went into my soul. I was worried that I would get to Easter and not know the incredible pressence of Christ in the Eucharist and there would be no way that I would take it if I didn't understand it,... but I did. I totally got it. Every time I would go up for a blessing and pass by Him, I felt it. When I watched the priest hold it up and proclaim that the "Lamb of God" was just out of reach, I'd have to blink back the tears that came from the heartache of separation. I couldn't wait for Easter because I couldn't wait for HIM!